


An Dochtúir Aerach Éireannach le Uathachas

by LindirsArchives



Series: Wonderbolt [4]
Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Autistic Character, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, Irish Language, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Friendship, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22980490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindirsArchives/pseuds/LindirsArchives
Summary: Jared Kalu is a man on a mission. A mission to capture the heart of a certain resident. And maybe, if he's lucky, also have him feel the same way
Relationships: Jared Kalu/Shaun Murphy, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Wonderbolt [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627114
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	1. Grá Me, Cheerilee

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so-  
> This is my second Murlu fanfiction, a sorry attempt at a multi chapter one that is  
> I only have two things to say:  
> 1) I'm very sorry if any potrayal of the character is very OOC. I'm also very extremely sorry if the way I potray Shaun is inaccurate. Again, I don't know how to correctly potray autism so it might be inaccurate. If you have any feedback on how to correctly do it, that would be very appreciated! :)  
> 2) I'm not Irish. I'm very far from Ireland, not even in the same continent. So I apologize for the terribly translated Irish words used here. I just really wanted to do something with the fact Shaun Murphy is the most Irish name there is, so Shaun is Irish. It's an experimental way of writing so any feedback is also appreciated! :)  
> Anyway, that's enough for my rambling! Enjoy this shit story! :)
> 
> ((Meaning of the title: The Gay Irish Doctor with Autism))  
> This originally started as a children's story for my english essay so yes the title is originally that and I'm too attached to change it

If he was being honest, he didn't know where the feeling even originated

It probably has something to do with sympathy, but that was before. Before, Jared thought Shaun was nothing more than a burden on the team. Before, Jared and Shaun weren't friends. Before, Jared would easily, with pleasure, take credit for every effort Shaun had made to get recognition from their attendee. Before, Jared and Shaun never talked outside of work

Before, Jared never had feelings for Shaun

The feeling came in a flash. As time went by, everything started to change and everyone got used to the new quirky addition to their team (some would even joke about them finally being able to call themselves The Three Musketeers). Shaun slowly but surely climbed his way up to the top, through every shit they threw at him, yet he was resilient and stood his ground. By then, Shaun became one of the hospital's best resident alongside Jared and Claire

They all became friends, best friends even. Claire had learned Shaun's story one day during a break and Claire was quick to connect with him. Jared was happy with a new addition to their friendship circle and spent hours trying to plan elaborate secret friendship handshakes the three of them could do mainly to annoy Melendez. The three of them hung out more, sometimes with Melendez even, Jared and Claire helping Shaun with his social skills, Claire dragging two drunk fully grown men out of a bar because boys will be boys, Shaun beating them in arcade games that they were sure he never even played. They connected. It was a bond like none other. Surprisingly for Jared, he had connected the most with Shaun

Yeah that's probably where it started

The more time passed, the more they hung out, the more Jared became aware of Shaun. His tousled brunette hair was something hard to miss, the blue eyes that had an almost glimmering tint of green, his lean posture, it made Jared spontaneously stop in his tracks. One moment he was laughing along Shaun's terrible attempt at a joke, the next he started noticing these things

His bubbly laughter, his cute little arm flaps whenever he'd get excited, his small bounces whenever he took a step, they were adorable. Something in Shaun's happiness made warmth flow right through Jared's own insides and somehow he got butterflies in his stomach whenever Shaun came closer to him

Yep. Jared Kalu was in love with his coworker-slash-best friend, Shaun Murphy

"I need your help" Jared approached Claire alone one day during a break. While it was a great ride with Claire, both knew they were better off as friends. They were happier this way anyway

"And what is it?" Claire offered him a curious yet warm smile. Comforting and soothing, it made Jared feel alot better asking the question

"It's about Shaun" Claire quirked an eyebrow, really curious to see where this was going

"And what about Shaun? Did something happen?" Jared sighed

"Something did happen, but it's not what you think" It took Claire a few seconds to process the sentence and finally got the idea _oh_

"You mean?"

"Yeah. I'm in love with Murphy"

\---

The room was quiet for a few minutes, each party had to properly process what was just said and heard. Claire was the first to speak

"Jared, that's great! You're finally coming into terms with your feelings, I'm so proud of you!" Her tone was laced with excitement and support. He wasn't exactly expecting that. _Wait she knew?!_

"Wait, you knew?!" Jared could feel his cheeks burning up. This was embarassing

"Kalu, honey, everyone could see you pining over boy genius from the beginning, even Dr. Melendez knew. You were just too stubborn with your feelings to outwardly admit it to yourself" He couldn't believe it. Everyone knew he had a crush on Shaun, except for him? These people are evil

"Yeah okay fine, I might have a thing for bouncy, bubbly, dorky but at the same time genius mastermind Irishmen with a taste for good games and tequila" Claire's smile turned warm, like a mother seeing her son to his first date

"Does Shaun know?" Jared tensed at the question. Oh how he hated that question

"Okay so, that's a problem. He doesn't... Really know" The room fell silent before Claire breathed out a heavy sigh

"Then go tell him!"

"Are you out of your mind, woman?! No, I'm NOT going to tell him!" Jared countered, annoyed at the sudden suggestion

"Why not?!" Claire was also at her limit at this point

"Well what if he doesn't feel that way, huh?! If I tell him, he's just gonna freak out! I'm gonna scare him off and he won't talk to me ever again! We won't be friends anymore!" Ah, alright, reasonable fear. Claire could see the sadness in Jared's droopy eyes. Every fire, every spirit he had all disappeared at the thought of Shaun cutting off all contacts with him because of his conflicting feelings

"Look, I get it sounds easy to you, Claire, but it's not! Shaun doesn't like abnormality. He likes things that make sense! That has its own place in the world! This? This does NOT make sense!" Jared continued, earning a sympathetic sigh from Claire

"Jared, you know Shaun isn't like that. Sure, he's not a big fan of unusual things but that doesn't mean he's gonna run off or something! Unless you're trying to intentionally hurt him, then yes he's gonna run off, but this isn't an attempt at that. We're talking about your feelings here, Kalu. What do _you_ want?" Claire asked and it made Jared think everything through. What _did_ he want?

_'I want to tell him how I feel. I want him to accept it and maybe even have mutual feelings. I want to be with him. Maybe go out early in the morning to a quiet café for breakfast with coffee, hot chocolate, and pancakes cause he loves pancakes. I want to stroll down the quiet forest and just take in the fresh air with him by my side-'_

"Jared!" Jared snapped out of his daydream when Claire snapped her fingers infront of him

"What? What happened?" Jared frantically asked, surprised to see what happened

"You spaced out. Probably even daydreamt about our resident Irish guy" Tinge of pink was visible from Jared's cheeks as embarassment overhwhelmed him

"No way! Okay maybe a bit..." Claire groaned

"See, Jared? It's sad seeing you going goo goo eyes on him while not having the actual nerves to man up and tell him!" Jared's eyes slightly twiched in both frustration and embarassment. He wanted to throw hands, god he wanted to throw hands. But he has a strict rule of no hitting girls and Claire is his best friend. So he took a deep breath and sighed

"So, now what? If I'm being honest, pining over someone who's reaction I'm dreading to know is not as cool as it sounds" Claire snorted at the thought

"Well, best thing to do is try to get his attention. Once you do, probably ask him to hang out with you or something. Don't jump straight to the confession, okay? Don't wanna scare him off" Jared nodded, letting Claire continue

"Once you're on that little outing, you can move a little bit, alright? Baby steps. So just move a bit closer and closer and finally, Boom. Butterfly effect." The shorter woman made dramatic exploding arm waves in front of him

"Okay, but what if it backfires?" Once again, Claire sighed

"It won't. And even if it does, trust that nothing too bad will happen" She gave him her last warm smile before moving towards the exit and left Jared to his own devices

Jared Kalu was a man on a mission. A mission he was sure he'd fail. But he was sure as hell not going down without a fight


	2. Dlúthpháirtíocht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared goes on a quest with the help of everyone else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter! Everything's been shitty that's why this took so long  
> Again, I'd like to note:  
> 1) I'm not Irish, I apologize for the terrible use of Irish words  
> 2) I apologize very sincerely if how I portray Shaun is inaccurate  
> If there's anything I could do to make this fic better then please comment! Constructive critism is welcomed :)

Never, in all of his life, had he had problems this hard to solve. Then again, he had never had problems with his emotions

Jared was a man of determination and hard work. Any task he set for himself, he was sure as hell not gonna stop until such task was finished. Any problems, he'd have to find a way to solve them. He'd go through any means just to have everything finished before his other important routines. He didn't like unfinished things. Unfinished things only meant he's incompetent to do a good enough job

Sadly, in this case, he's very incompetent

Something about this was harder than anticipated. Claire's advice had sounded so simple and so easy he had been confident he could pull it off. Now? Jared didn't even know if he could breathe in the same area as Shaun without saying something he would regret for the rest of his life

He had never needed to be this cautious nor this terrible on his previous dates and girlfriends, but this was different. Jared could predict the reactions of the women he had dated through gestures and open expressions alone. Shaun, however, is everything but predictable. He had seen Shaun openly expressing happiness and pride, the latter being expressed in a smug 'I told you so' attitude. While Shaun was open and honest, Shaun certainly was not predictable and readable

He wasn't Claire, who could see through his monotonous tone and almost stoic and cold stare. He wasn't Dr. Lim, who took the time to try and read him and always respond in the best possible way. And he was certainly not Dr. Melendez, who's surprisingly soft on edge with gently put together words to express himself to Shaun because he knew of his resident's basic personality. Jared wasn't any of them and it made him even more frustrated

So, Jared did the most sensible thing he'd usually do whenever he's in a very tricky place that he couldn't get himself out; Go to the person who knew more and ask them to do it for him

"I need advice" Glassman raised a curious eyebrow. Never had he seen Jared come to him in his tight situations. The burden usually falls on Claire, but he guessed even Claire couldn't solve every one of the other resident's problems

"Well, you know I'm always happy to assist residents here, but I also wonder what made you come here, Dr. Kalu. As far as I'm concerned, you've never shown any interest in coming here for assistance. So what changed?" Jared swallowed a huge lump in his throat.

"I just thought you're the best person to go to in regards of this situation" He tried to put on his most formal interaction manner. In other words, making his already thick British accent alot thicker with the mannerism only found in royal families

"And which situation would that be?" And the words were stuck in his throat. He didn't know how to sugarcoat whatever he was trying to say to look as if he's not desperate for the adopted son of the president of the fucking hospital to notice him

"I... Just thought you might have some insights on how to improve teamwork!" Glassman had an amused expression plastered across his face. Silence fell upon them and Glassman decided to break it with a small chuckle

"This is about Shaun, isn't it?" And there goes his shame

"Perhaps it has something to do with one of my coworkers and that's exactly why I came to you! I need to know how to be able to increase the teamwork statistics in Dr. Melendez's team" Glassman only chuckled louder. Fucking unbelievable

"Dr. Kalu, I might not be the closest person to you in this hospital, sadly that title goes to Claire and Shaun, who are, your _coworkers_ and _friends_ , so I'm pretty sure teamwork isn't your problem" Jared sighed in defeat. Well, there's no turning back now

"I guess I'm just paranoid. I'll be taking my leave now, thank you for your assistance" Jared opted for the door, mentally slapping himself for being an absolute idiot

"You know, Shaun and I used to have this tradition when he was still in high school. We'd go to the night carnival and drink the flavoured slushies in one of the stand, blueberry was his favourite. And whenever he got good grades or successfully make conversations with our elderly neighbour, I'd let him order the biggest cup. He had troubles the first time he went to a carnival, all the noises and everything, so we'd usually go when it's almost closing time" Glassman continued before Jared could reach the door. The younger doctor turned around to see his senior smiling fondly at memories. Jared stayed, glued to his place as he let Glassman continue

"The tradition stopped after he went to college and I left for San Jose. And now that he's working here, neither of us seem to have the time to relive the tradition. If only someone else could bring back the tradition. I don't know if he'd grown out of it but I think it'd be a special first date for him" Jared immediately reddened. When did he become such a terrible liar? Oh yeah, whenever he's nervous. And apparently, Glassman could see through his terrible lie. The younger stuttered as he start to slip between his own words

"Dr. Glassman, I swear it's nothing like that, it's-"

"Just don't let him down, Kalu. He's had enough people disappointing him so far" Jared nodded nervously. Well this was going to be tough

\--

Jared knew he'd be in for a treat when Dr. Glassman lowkey threatened him when he found out he has "ulterior motives" with his fellow resident. What should he do? What carnival? Is there even a carnival in San Jose? Even if there is a carnival, will they even have slushies? Oh god everything's falling apart, maybe he should-

"Oh my god, Kalu, stop chewing on the marker! That's disgusting!" Jared snapped out of his thoughts and spat out the marker that clearly had bite marks all over it. He was guessing he was going to write something over the board before his thoughts attacked him again. Morgan sighed in frustration as she observed the half chewed marker

"You know I was expecting you to have at least half a braincell when we're discussing next treatment plans for our patients" Today's going well at least. Second time he spaced out because of the resident that's currently not present and that did him alot of favour. No matter, as long as no one knows of his thoughts-

"Jared has alot in his mind lately so it's not a surprise he'd be thinking about a particular person during moments like this" He could _feel_ Claire's smug aura mocking him. The other two stared at him in silence, clearly asking themselves 'Are you fucking serious?'. Jared was ready to drown himself before Alex decided to butt in

"I remember feeling that way. Met a beautiful woman once and couldn't get her out of my head, distracted me from work and I may have gotten some well deserved criticism at that point. A few years later, I finally got married to said wonderful woman" Jared was, if he was being honest, mesmerized by the thought of him and Shaun being in the same situation. But nope, his euphoric daydream had to be ruined by Morgan Bitch Reznick

"But you got divorced, so what even is the point?" Jared could see Alex's expression, he was so attacked by the comment he had to keep his composure, which he knew he was failing

"First of all, we're thinking of getting back together. Second, the point is, it's a normal thought and lover boy here has to step up his game or we'd be left with nothing but a hollow shell of a lovesick Jared Kalu"

"What does that even mean?"

"It means, Kalu will get distracted and it doesn't help any less with the fact the person he has his eyes on is in the same surgical team as he is. So either he go for it or forget about it because things would only go downhill from there" And again, Alex has a point

"True. Which makes me wonder, have you said anything to him?"

"Well... I haven't, per se... But I have been dropping hints..." The other three stared at him, eyes wide

"You... Dropped hints for... Shaun...?" Claire raised an eyebrow and it was starting to confuse him. What was she talking about? And that's when he realized

"Oh. Right" Jared sighed in frustration. He knew Shaun has a hard time reading social cues and even though he's improving, he's still stuck whenever someone drops hints on him. He's such an idiot. Why is this so hard?

"Okay, have you considered my advice?" Claire continued and Jared snapped out of his daze

"O-oh! Yeah! I went to Dr. Glassman for that and he told me about this whole carnival tradition he had with Shaun and something about blueberry slushies? Not sure where that puts me"

"Jared, that's great! Now you know exactly where to go!"

"Yeah but _is_ there a carnival in San Jose?" Then the two fell silent, clearly trying to brainstorm ideas and are distracted from the work before them. What they didn't expect was for Morgan to be the one to speak up

"Newark's Carnival, it's tomorrow night and if you come a bit late, crowds won't be a problem" Jared stared wide eye at Morgan and what had just come out of her mouth. Her only response was a groan and a glare

"You've been distracted and if it means you'd finally have one braincell enough to put into this work then I'm willing to be of assistance" He couldn't believe it, Morgan was willing to help him in her own bitchy way? He should write this down

"Thanks, Reznick"

"Look, don't get used to this. In the end, we're still competing, I'm just being nice enough to help you get back into the competition" Jared chuckled

"Whatever, I'd take that as a win" Morgan rolled his eyes and continued her reading. To be honest, Jared didn't expect this at all, and now he's one step closer to completing his task

Jared was a man of commitment. He'd die trying if it meant his task would be completed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment~


	3. Leochaileacht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared finally asked Shaun out with a final help from his attending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first, the bit with Dr. Melendez wasn't supposed to be there but then the final episode happened and from now on, Dr. Melendez will be in all my fanfictions whether as a minor background character or a main one because fuck you Shore

He was all prepared, everything was coming into picture. Hours of planning had led him to one moment

But before that-

"How do I approach him with the topic?" Neil's eyes widened at the sudden question. They were done with their night shift and about to head home. Jared, however, decided otherwise

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Kalu. Go home" And he thought he was done with that, but oh sweet Kalu decided to follow him to the parking lot

"Please, Dr. Melendez" Neil groaned in frustration and decided if this little shit wouldn't leave him until he help him, then so be it

"What?! What is it, Jared? Why are you coming to me for this?" Jared had that sheepish smile, nervously scratching the back of his head. Neil could only stare, annoyed out of his mind but too tired to do anything about it

"I thought that you might have some wisdom to offer since you're a lot more experienced in dating coworkers than anyone else I've asked" Of course. Of course that's got to be it. Neil sighed

"Just because I'm dating Dr. Lim, doesn't mean I have the wisdom you need in this lovesick chase you have with Murphy. Both of them are very different individuals, if you can't tell, and there's no way of guaranteeing what I did with Lim would also work on Murphy so you better drop it" Neil was opting to leave before Jared actually held him back. Neil was about to yell at him before noticing the look of defeat in his expression and something in him felt crushed. Curse you, Kalu

"Fine. I'll help you" Almost immediately, the resident's eyes light up and before he could say anything, Neil eyed him sharply

"You shut up about this or I'll make the rest of your life a living hell" Jared nodded, still excited

"Scout's honour!" Neil groaned

"Alright, you wanna tell Murphy? Confess? Make his first date perfect? That's asking alot, Kalu. But, if you want it from my experience with Lim, I'd say just relax. Be a decent human being, and of course, be confident. One of which you're terrible at" Jared raised an eyebrow

"Are you saying I'm not confident?" Neil could only chuckle

"No no. You're terrible at being decent" If looks could kill, Jared would murder his attending with a glare

"I can be decent. I don't know what you're getting at here"

"Kalu, again, why me? I'm not a dating guru! Don't you have anyone else better to talk to? Claire? Glassman? Park? Hell, even Reznick?"

"Already did, and they already gave their side"

"Then why are you still going on about this?!" Jared sighed and slumped down to the side of the road, back facing a wall

"I don't know, it's just, I've never been in these situations. I didn't even think about whether or not he'd accept it, I just don't want to freak him out. I guess I'm just stalling" Neil watched as his resident helplessly cover his face in shame. The older doctor was not good at this, he's terrible at comfort and all that stuff, it's usually Audrey's thing. He was tempted to leave Jared crying on the street but then there's that little voice that kept nogging in his head, telling him to do something. And so, without thinking, he listened to the voice

"You know, the first time I wanted to properly go out with Dr. Lim, I was nervous as hell" Jared peeked out of his hands to see his senior also slumping down to sit beside him on the concrete sidewalk. He stayed silent, letting the older man continue

"But you know what I did? I did what I could do best; be natural" Jared breathed out a small laugh

"You mean be arrogant" Neil shook his head and flashed a small smile

"I really need to stop Murphy from saying that. Anyways, I did my best at keeping myself down, trying to keep my normal up and it somehow worked. Because when you love someone and that someone loves you back, you're comfortable enough to be around them as the normal you" Jared nodded, listening attentively as he process every information down

"What I'm trying to say is, just try and keep your cool, keep it casual. You don't need to change anything and fortunately for you, Murphy looks comfortable enough around the normal, annoying you. So just go with that" Jared slowly breathed out an air of relief

"You're right, I overreacted. Thank you, Dr. Melendez"

"Hey, if things don't work out with Murphy, there's still Reznick"

"Oh no, she's off limits. Besides, she's already got the hots for someone else"

"Browne?"

"Yes"

"Is there anyone in my team that is straight?"

"Join the club!"

"No way. You kids have fun in the other side of the road" The two shared some laughs and for a moment Jared knew things would work out

"Hey" He turned to see Neil already gathering himself up and extended a hand. The resident took it and stood up. Neil offered Jared a warm smile

"Good luck. And no one better know of our little talk" Jared did a mock salute

"I told you, scout's honour!" With one last smile, Neil left the younger resident

\--

The next morning, Jared had never felt as nervous as he was

_"Alright, just be natural. Seems easy enough"_

He took a deep breath and marched through the hospital with his pride up high and his strides longer than usual. Through nurses he walked towards the ER counter where he could see his other two resident coworkers waiting for their attending. Claire noticed him and gave him a small affirming nod. He guessed Reznick and Park were somewhere either helping Dr. Lim or avoiding the other three altogether. Either way, their appearance would not be appreciated in these moments

With confidence, he marched up to Shaun, almost towering over him with his height and cleared his throat

"Good morning, Dr. Murphy, Dr. Browne" His attempt at formal entry failed miserably as he heard his tone crack. Claire gave him a teasing smile

"Well, look at you, Jared. What got you so tight?"

"Nothing. Just a very special morning" If it's possible, he could feel Shaun's gaze on him. His shoulders felt heavy the longer he stalled. Well, now or never

"Hey, Shaun, um... I was thinking..." ' _SAY SOMETHING, KALU!'_ His tongue twisted in weird ways as the words were stuck in his throat

"Jared?" Shaun only stared with curiousity as Jared almost suffocated himself with words

"I was thinking... If you... Want to go..." _'COME ON, KALU! JUST A FEW MORE WORDS!'_

"To the... Newark's carnival? Tonight?" Shaun actually looked genuinely surprised once he finished his sentence as best and coherent as he could. It took a minute before Shaun could answer

"Will Claire be there too?" And if he's being honest, the question crushed him because goddammit Murphy, why would you do that to me?! Can't you see how desperate I am?!

"I'm sorry but I can't. I have plans with someone else" Claire decided to voice her mind. Shaun looked visibly disappointed but then again, the show must go on

"I mean, we can still go. Just the two of us. It's okay if you don't want to, but, yeah..." _'OH MY GOD KALU SHUT UP!'_ Jared waited for an answer, a confirmation or a rejection. When Shaun didn't answer for awhile, Jared was starting to lose hope. Well, there's always another chance-

"Okay" The answer came suddenly and sharply. Jared almost chocked when he heard it

"O-okay? Are you sure? Cause we don't have to if you... You know..." Shaun hummed in response before continuing

"Yes. It wouldn't make a difference. Claire has plans and you want to go, so I want to go. It would be the same even without Claire" Jared glanced to see Claire slightly hurt by the comment but proud of Jared nonetheless. If only Jared could reach for the air

"Yeah! Yeah of course! Don't worry! We'll still have fun together!"

"Okay!" His tone sounded genuinely excited and Jared could feel warmth, butterflies in his stomach. Tonight was going to be perfect

Second step of his plan worked perfectly, now it's time for the execution. Nothing could possibly go wrong from that point


	4. Go raibh maith agat as an Spraoi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Shaun and Newark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see fellas! Shit has been crazy lately, we're literally going through a major event in history so yeah
> 
> Also, this story is in shambles. I'm so sorry if it's moving too quickly, if it's ruined, if the depiction isn't accurate, I'm so sorry. I am not experienced with romance, this is my first tine writing romance. I'm so sorry

"Welcome to Newark's Festival!"

Everything was hell

Music, fireworks, cheers, and laughters boomed through the air in a loud chorus of noises, the lights vary in colours and intensity as if it could burn one's eyes out of the burning ray, the crowds were heavy and they were everywhere, touching skin and all, even those who didn't know. Jared glanced to see Shaun nervously rubbing his arms as the thought of a stranger's rubbery and hot scratchy skin grinding against his own like sandpaper made him shudder, his eyes turned bewildered and he could clearly see his hesitation to even enter the place, but for some reason, he kept quiet. Jared was a bit worried

But oh curse his stupid self

"Come on, Shaun, I'm sure it's not that bad" Jared knew it's that bad, even he didn't feel as confident and comfortable in this situation, he couldn't imagine it with Shaun who's probably in a situation 10 times worse than what he's experiencing. And the worse thing is, Shaun complied

"Okay" Jared was hoping, very much hoping for Shaun to say no, resent him, walk away, and never say a word to him again, so that Jared could at least have a reason to calm his nerve and feed his already low self esteem. But nope, Shaun stood his ground, nodded, and slipped his noise blockers on

"Shaun, we really don't have to go in if you don't want to-"

"N-no, it's okay!" Jared sighed. He really didn't get Shaun's sudden determination, but he guessed he's not the right person to ask that

"Alright then, umm... If you feel like quitting, like everything's a bit too much to handle, it's fine, I totally understand, alright? Don't force yourself in just cause I want to" Shaun shook his head and Jared could only nod as he led Shaun towards where the food stands were

He didn't spot anything interesting nor did he spot any slushie. Everything was so bright and lively, it reeked of joy and it honestly made Jared want to jump up and down and join in the loud noises and colorful lights. But he was jerked back to reality when he saw Shaun breathing heavily beside him

"Shaun? You okay?" Of course he wasn't! He was breathing heavily, hyperventilating as the atmosphere began to grow tighter. Loud noises grew louder, bright lights grew brighter, more people coming in and out, everything was not okay! He should go back, he knew he should. So he opted for it

"You know what, Shaun, there's always another carnival we can-" And before he could finish his words, Shaun had ran off

Fuck

* * *

"SHAUN!" He gave a chase

Everything was falling apart. His plan, his hard work, everything was failing fast. Oh how Jared wished everything could go back to normal, how he wished he had never had those feelings. Of course Shaun would be overwhelmed. It was too much. The bright lights, the noises, the crowds, it was all too much to handle in one night. Jared finally stopped on his track as Shaun settled down in a nearby quiet park under the tree as he grasped the toy scalpel firmly and ran his finger down the blade

"Shaun..." Jared slowly approached the younger and slowly settled down beside him. He kept quiet as he let Shaun collect himself. He didn't know what to do in these situations. He had faced them, but never had it been this bad

He'd never even faced these situations alone

Jared slapped himself mentally once again. He felt pathetic. There he was, panicking while his failed date have a full blown meltdown. He wanted to cry, this was hard. Very hard. It was getting overwhelming. He remembered everytime Shaun went through this and it wasn't him that helped him, it was always either Claire, Alex, hell even Lim had her fair share of moments. He didn't know, he felt out of control, out of his elements, he felt overwhelmed

His image crumpled, self doubt crept back and latched onto him like a leech. Nothing was going according to plan. Everything he's done to work on a perfect night were ruined. Today probably wouldn't feel like too much, but the shame of Tomorrow was what he feared the most. Shaun was going to resent him and no more chances

Everything was falling apart, and so was Shaun. Shaun was also falling apart. Everything was too much for him, and Jared caused it. He caused this

NO!

No.

He had to keep it together. He had to be whole, he had to be himself. No time for a breakdown. Shaun was literally having a meltdown right in front of him. His well being mattered more

_"Alright alright, what did Claire say? What should I do..."_

His mind tried to recount back to the time when Claire told him what to do in these types of situations

_"Okay okay. Talk to him? What should I do?!"_

_"ANYTHING, KALU JUST FUCKING DO IT!"_

A loud voice answered his thoughts, it sounded a hell lot like Lim. Jared calmed down

_"Okay okay... Be there for him, don't do anything yet. Yeah that seems legit"_

So he did. He waited patiently for Shaun to collect himself, to release all the tension and pressure from the overload. He waited, ready to be there for him. Fortunately, the park was quiet and there was no one, especially at these hours. So he waited, hoping his presence was enough. It took a few long minutes until Shaun's breathing began to go steady and his grasp on his toy scalpel began to loosen. Sometime about an hour later and Jared could notice himself coming back

Jared sighed, he was such an idiot

"I'm sorry" He could hear Shaun whisper, his voice was hoarse and his breathing was still trying to calm. Jared felt as if he'd been dropped. None of this was Shaun's fault but he apologized nonetheless

"Why?"

"You... Wanted to go and have fun. But I ruined it. You didn't have fun, you were worried for me and you left the carnival to go after me. So I'm sorry" Jared sighed again

"No, no, Shaun, it wasn't your fault. You can't control it, I understand. So no need to apologize" He could see Shaun contemplating whether or not he should apologize again. Then, the younger nodded

"Okay"

"It was my fault anyway. If I had known the last day of the carnival was this crowded then I should've brought you somewhere for our first date" Jared immediately realized and shut his mouth as quickly, hoping Shaun didn't notice as he's still trying to collect himself

"This was a date?" Yep. He noticed

"Yeah... Pretty smooth, right? Look, I know you're gonna freak out so I wanted to keep it subtle. I tried, like really tried. I asked Claire, Park, Reznick, even Dr. Melendez. I wanted to tell you in the end of it all. But I'm such an idiot. I should be the one to say sorry. I'm sorry, Shaun" Jared braced for another meltdown but a few minutes passed, nothing came. He glanced back at Shaun to see him thinking and avoiding eye contact. He hummed gently, in deep thoughts. Oh here goes-

"I like you Jared" Well, that was unexpected

"W-what? You do?"

"You're very nice and fun... You tell funny stories and you always try to include me whenever there's a new place to visit. You and Claire were the first people to be my best friend. You make me feel included and comfortable. You give good advice and you're a very good cook" Honestly, if Jared could, he'd cry right then and there. But the whole night was enough emotional turmoil to last a day

"You really think that huh? Well, my turn. If you haven't notice Murphy, you're very smart. You're determined when you want to be, like hell I remember the time with that kid Evan in our first year. You've always been kindest and most optimistic person I've ever met. You... Taught me so much about accepting people and myself, taught me alot about being more determined. You make me more, Shaun" Shaun froze and it surprised Jared at the same time, concern was plastered across his expression

"Why what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" Shaun shook his head frantically

"I want to be with you, but you don't want to be with me" Jared still didn't understand, he stayed in silence, trying to make sense of what he's trying to imply. Then, Shaun continued

"I have autism" It broke Jared once again. Is that what this is about?

"Shaun, look, I love you. Yeah, you have autism, I'm not gonna deny that, but you really thought I wouldn't want to be with you because of that? Every human being has something they're going through and to love someone is to accept that and love them, support them no matter what happens. You're a great human being, you make me better, Murphy, that's why I want to be with you" Shaun hummed, again, contemplating. Jared was afraid he had said something wrong. So he just went with it

"Tá mé i ngrá leat" Shaun perked up immediately, wonder filled his eyes

"Where did you learn that?" Shaun stared in disbelief and Jared was afraid what he said didn't exactly have the message he's trying to convey

"I-is it wrong? I'm so sorry, Shaun! I didn't mean to insult, I just thought it would be cool to, you know, learn some Irish to impress you. At least, that's what I think it would do"

"No, it's not wrong. I haven't heard spoken Irish in a long time. My mom used to try and teach Irish, she would sing in Irish. When we lived in the bus, Steve found a story book in Irish and we continued to learn. I've never spoken or heard it after he died" Great, the guilt came back

"I'm sorry, Shaun. I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't know" Shaun shook his head

"It's okay, they were happy memories. Gaeilge is a happy language" Shaun smiled to himself, content with the memories flashing in his mind. Jared couldn't help but smile too

"Y'know, it would be cool if you could teach me a few"

"Feicfidh mé tú ag múineadh"

"You're a jerk, you know that?" A lighthearted joke, Jared gave a small laugh. Shaun only smiled fondly

"Grá geal mo chroí, déanann tú duine níos fearr dom, tá mé i ngrá leat" Jared felt his face warm up. Somehow, he could understand bits and pieces of the sentence. Jared tried to lean in slowly. He observed, watched how Shaun didn't try to flinch away nor did he move back, so he moved forward even more, slowly but surely this time. What surprised him was that Shaun also inched closer until finally, their lips clashed. It was the first time Jared ever kissed a man he loved and Shaun was a great one. His heart fluttered and the butterflies in his stomach disappeared, replaced with the blossoming feeling of warmth and love

The night didn't go as expected, but it ended being perfect

**Author's Note:**

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